Why Am I Such a Girl?

Okay, so... I haven't been writing lately. Big news there. The title of this blog does indicate an emergency situation, a catastrophe - I can't possibly be expected to post on how WELL my thesis is going - that would be the opposite of 911. That would be a parade. Anyhow, one of the reasons I have not been working on my thesis or updating my blog is because I'm obsessed with decor. Specifically antique furniture. Specifically, shabby chic/country as I like to call it. So, without further ado, I'd like to post my apartment decor update yoo ha.

Figure 1 - This clearly indicates my obsession and attention to detail and love of pink. Although, I'm worried it's going to go into overkill.

Now, details. This is the basic layout of my apartment. The far wall with the bookshelves have on either side of them, sculptures which my boyfriend made and is allowing me to display temporarily until somebody purchases them. So their cost = free. The 7'4 amazingly whimsical, custom-made detailed sofa? $150 (toronto.kijiji.com), fireplace design - found online will imitate with approximately $20 budget (repainting old picture frames, finding cool vases and fake flowers from flea markets, my garage, thrift stores). Bookshelves - I will set aside a $60 budget and comb through kijiji until I find them, same with the lamps (which I already found but the seller wasn't willing to negotiate their price and it was out of my range so I'll just wait until I see a price I like). Beautiful pastel pink wingchair, tea cart, and stone/oak dining table? $125, $75, and $115, respectively (toronto.kijiji.com). Printed dining room chair - set of 6 $25/each, I will try to get 4 for $80. Center coffee table/chest = $75. I know what you're thinking, it throws the room off, but I figure that it'll tie together the deeper colour from the bronze sculpture plinths, but it is an easy solution to fix - I will either throw a lace cloth over it or spray paint it white. As for the rug... I may have a temporary solution, not exactly as shown, for $20 until I can afford to get the real thing for $200 (I get a discount on rugs, don't ask me how or why).

Total estimated cost for full living room?

*drumroll*

$750 - and most people would just get a couch for that!

So there you have it, gorgeous shabby chic at a not-so-shabby price!

Echo and the Writing Voice

The greatest difficulty I have writing is finding my writing voice. Perhaps keeping this blog will help. Now, I suppose I should define what I mean by this.

Your writing voice is the voice you hear inside your head... Let me provide an example. Say, I am reading Arendt or Gadamer or Heidegger for instance... all three philosophers have a writing voice. In fact, their writing voices are so powerful that as I read them they get stuck in my head and swallow my writing voice (because as you can tell, I have a weak writing voice). Now imagine I am starting to write my thesis and I am referring to Arendt or Gadamer or Heidegger and am attempting to describe their philosophies. I invariably get stuck. I get stuck because I am attempting to write their thoughts through my thoughts, and my thoughts aren't really that clear - and worse still, I can't really distinguish between my thoughts and their thoughts, because their thoughts are better articulated than mine, and mine are just well... seeming quite ad hoc to theirs. Right? Yet, sometimes when I get through all the his thought, her thought stuff (and the whole time, I am unconsciously mimicking their tone - or writing voice, if you will) I get to MY writing voice.

My writing voice is that free thought kind of moment. It's not like an epiphany but the feeling afterwards, when the world is free and clear and one experiences almost a disembodied feeling. I love that feeling. It's really great, except excruciatingly difficult to reproduce, probably because it is completely original. It's that point where you can be completely, inhibited, authentically YOU. You are so YOU in fact that you're not even (strangely), materially you. You are free you. I miss free me. I am now imprisoned me. Imprisoned in my thoughts... Imprisoned in this blog.

But, there's always that potential. I suppose that's my take-home message for you. Don't do drugs. I'm kidding (not really, but seriously)... we all have this wonderful capacity to just BE, or being as the continental philosophy guys (and girls) would say. Or they might make fun of me. Point being - find your writing voice... and you will find your writing soul.

It is 5:33 am.

So I figured everyone else around me is writing blogs, I should too. Not that I am normally a big trend-follower or setter for that matter... but because blogs I have read seem to exhibit a sort of catharsis on the part of their authors and seeing as how I am about to tear my hair out writing this thesis, catharsis is just the medicine the doctor recommended.

This is my (third?) attempt at keeping a blog. The previous two were met with semi-self-delusional, semi-convoluted and frustrated rants which I did not think anybody would be interested in reading. Is this any different? Probably not. However, I do find myself feeling an inkling of the 'me-toos' when I read other peoples posts and comments. So why not enter the conversation by starting one with myself? Hmmm... is this what blogging is really about? Hoping to be heard in a sea of voices? I am probably not the first to point this out and likely will not be the last.

Oh yeah, so what inspired me to actually post this early EARLY morning (or very late night - whatever you prefer)? Well, my exceptionally over-achieving sister is getting so much attention for her up-to-datedness (yes, it's a word I just made up) that I am feeling once again, in the shadows. Not that it makes any difference, I do prefer to lurk in the shadows. HOWEVER. However, that's not the point. The point is that I probably have interesting things to say once I can figure out where my mind is at, and since... it is not at this thesis (which it is supposed to be), I might as well vent or ruminate over what is going on with my thoughts so they don't escape me (which they inevitably do).

Ok... you're lucky I deleted what I was about to say. I was going to get way too ahead of myself and my readers in discussing the materialization of thoughts in language via writing. But, better we don't go there cause we'll lose each other, I'm sure.

Anyhow... the other difficult thing I found whenever I attempted to write blogs, was finding my writing voice. You know what? I think this deserves its own post.